I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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