Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
