3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
