Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
