Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
