dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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