I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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