spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
