I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
