He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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