the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
