Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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