I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
