we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
