He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize