then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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