The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
