i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
