420 ftw
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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