just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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