I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
