hotel room ftw
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize