Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
