you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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