there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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