I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
