My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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