I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
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