So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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