"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
