Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
