nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
