all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
