you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
