I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
