dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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