it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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