I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
