Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
