Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
