Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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