Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
