The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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