you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
