At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize