Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
