Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
