If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
