The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
