i barfeds in our rink
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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