then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
