when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
