I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
