Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
