I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize