he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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