Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
