based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
