Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
