haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
