I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
wow bdsm is so cute
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize