member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
