how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
