It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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