There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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