He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
