I have demons in me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
