i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
