I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
