Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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