At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
