Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
