you guys were way drunker than both of me
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I love having hate sex.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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