Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
