So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
