You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
