spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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