I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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