He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
